physical world

now... my world got simple. Possible romance thoughts passed and now I am focusing on material aspects of life, because they're simply the "strong" side of it, at least now.
Personality is really hard to control, especially if someone is as emotional person as me. Body, well, it's not easy to start controlling it, but once you do it is quite enjoyable. So I am working on it now, 2 hours a day at least, still watching what I'm eating and drinking, and constantly having some sour muscles. But it makes me happier, in a small way, because I challenge myself, and I am winning! And it's good to know that if I really want to I can win with myself.

And then shopping... recently money are ok with me. I don't have a fortune, but I'm not lacking either. So I buy small but pretty stuff from time to time to forget the total loneliness I am facing here in Taiwan. I totally gave up on the childish hopes that I can get a friend here, not to mention a boyfriend. On shallow level me and Taiwanese are just great, but when I want to move it deeper (and I always want to), they just leave me without a word. For me it's pretty cruel, but they are emotionally really selfish people. At least from my experience, and of course I know, I know... it's not EVERYONE... but those people must be very rare. I mean "my" people, because I don't doubt other people can find here what their "own" kind of people, it's just me that is a problem, obviously. Well wow, you see I always like to go deep :D

vampire world

Ok... I know I am too old for vampire stuff.... but I also need to hide from reality, especially this year. And vampire stories reality is just easy. Nothing especially ambitious, just relaxing. I re-read Twilight and New Moon recently and I am not jumping into Eclipse because this books makes me always angry, and I have enough anger issues without that. So started reading "Dead until dark" by Charlaine Harris, maybe you heard about TV series "true blood"? That's the story. Also I started watching Vampite Diaries... which is totally teenagish version of Twilight, and made me a little angry with actually laughing at Twilight in it:/ Seems like mean people are everywhere.

So in the vamp world... it's cosy. Outside... I just don't even wanna start on it. School is full of work. Human relations suck. My rented house... well... I really feel I shouldn't move in here, I feel sooooo unwanted now that it is just awkward if I step out of my room.

Well yeah, vampires suck too :D

Googler wannabe

ahh... today I'm in pretty good mood. Doesn't happen so often recently! Well... days pass like crazy... I want to turn on the slow motion option~

So I'm back to Google Chrome... Firefox got me back there for a while... I made it pretty, put some nice add-on, but then it started freeing and taking forever to start again! And now Google Chrome got pretty too and it doesn't freeze on my facebook games so for now Chrome VS Firefox 2:1. I still believe that Chrome will rule in the future, just like all Google does :D

Although the leakage of passwords from gmail, yahoo, hotmail etc. that happened recently is not cool. I changed all my passwords just in case today. You better change it too, before your FB friends will start getting messages about cleaning their colons (through story...).

And well my professor still likes me. He is so nice to me recently, he's always saying that it is good to have me here and really is trying to find me a job. He already kind of got me a possibility in a big hand tool company @_@ But I just find out my new dream, and it is a dream job. Will be hard to make it come true... but as life taught me - I should try! It costs only some effort!

Enjoy me while I'm in good mood! It's swinging pretty rapidly!

Muka

As a Deer...

that my heart is longing You (or so I think the lyrics go... since I'm more sure of Polish version of my favourite worship song). And I do long, because it's a relief, and I need one. But is longing enough? I don't feel so strong as a Christian yet, and I'm a little embarrassed of it.

Taiwan has it hard on me recently. I don't know if this is some homesickness, but generally I don't want to be at home... I just don't want to be in Taiwan for a moment. It's just so lonely here. And because of that small things makes so angry that I want to cry. Like yesterday... I was waiting for a girl to leave from a scooter parking space in front of my fitness club... I waited pretty long (she was getting ready by putting the mask, helmet, and what not), and then when she was gone and I started maneuvering to get to her place some Taiwanese old guy just rode fast into the place. I wanted to scream, I felt so helpless... I couldn't even scold him in Chinese. Grrrrrrrrrr. And I know not all Taiwanese are like that... but recently this things happens to me sooo often (maybe because I have scooter) and it is so hard to talk to anyone about serious things. Because who ever I talk to, all I can get from them "I'm fine". 1) I don't believe they are. 2) Ok, I get it... you're fine, then let's talk about something else!

I really need to give up on some people, I try to hard to be their friends and then I get "I'm fine" in the end... :/

The only good thing now is sport! Injecting endomorphism into my veins is just nice~ and it's good to feel more fit :) especially at the beginning people judge me as a lazy person who eat only hamburgers and do nothing, and then I love to kick their asses showing off how wrong they are :D Still some people seem to think even though I exercise a lot I must be laing about the food I eat since I'm still fat. Well it's not the same easy for everyone to be slim... it's not me who chose to be this way. I would also prefer to be like so many Asians... eating loads of sugars and fats and stay skinny :/

You see... I'm just angry about everything recently ... :/

socializing

ok... could be last moments of my freedom, before my professor is back with all my troubles. So last few days I was enjoying our time with my new room mate :) Thursday was reaaaally nice... first we went hunting/shopping to Sogo. And well I must have a bad day because I spent a little too much, but at last I got an outfit that I wanted to have... long sweater/tunic, wide leather belt and another pair of leggings :D and unfortunately, Mango in here does not have my size when it comes to pants ://////// well online store hopefully delivers to Taiwan :D

Well actually, shopping was really fun :D Like while walking around suddenly we see 4 white teenager guys coming out from escalator. They see me and stop surprised, and ask "Do you speak English", me and my friend obviously say "Yeah, duh", which makes those boy happy and cheering for us. LOLZ. I do not get that happy to see "big noses" around :D

Well then my friend had this great idea of going to Aman King for live band night :D Hell yeah! I mean, pubs here are expensive, but this one... at least no entrance fee, live music and well good service :D and it was really a pub - no dancing :D

So the bands... there were two of them. The first one - good male voice, and cute drummer (that I've seen on a New Years' company party before). But they didn't sing the songs we wanted :P The second band... so funny! The girl's voice this time was more to my likings but the male singer was just incredible showman :d His impersonations were hilarious, he sang Micheal Jackson, and he was a MJ at that time XD (and so I did dance with MJ ;)), then he could be even Sponge Bob characters :D And he did sing our song :D Sorry Sorry Sorry :D WOW, I mean... it's Korean song :D We stayed there till 3 AM :) Was great and I hope we will go there next week too :}

And then tomorrow............... the wedding in Taipei :D I'm excited, my first wedding in Taiwan, and it's cool to see friends getting married! I'm so happy for them!

back at home

yep... I am back in Taiwan and I feel like being back home. Kind of relieved from who knows what. The day is pretty busy... meeting new landlord, packing, soon moving, cleaning and shopping. All that still tonight (and it's 4 PM already!). And why oh why it pouring down!!! And typhoon is coming tomorrow ==;; so I need to move tonight... because between typhoon and rain... the rain wins. I hope my friend who is so kind to help me with his car to move all that stuff will be patient enough.

But apart from being at home and excited about new place I'm kind of anxious.... there this very very dark menace over our heads... the THESIS. Sometimes I feel like 6 years old and just wanna start crying and shouting that I don't want to do it and I want to go to my mom, but too bad I can't do it :/ Like always while fighting with thesis writing I complain a lot. Sorry.

25+

I know it's over 2 weeks after my bd, but this year this day was strange. My bd was stretched to like a month, when people kept on giving me presents and wishes. I really didn't feel the change. I kind of treated myself as 25 for a while, since I'm all mature and all compared to many ppl around me or so I and them think. And yet I am 25 and in the middle of my prime time in life. I am pretty successful in eyes of many people but for myself I don't feel that way, especially that I know many greater people around me. And yet it is time to start using 25+ creams and cosmetics profilatically to keep the youth. Heh.

And yet watching tv series about life and love and shopping is the only thing keeping me more or less happy.